I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
