Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
