I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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