Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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