Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
