i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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