remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is wine microwaveable?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
