i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
