u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
