Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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