I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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