I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
