she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
