I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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