420 ftw
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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