Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
