i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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