The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
