So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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