I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
