It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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