He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My vagina is officially offended.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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