i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
