This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My penis needs a shock collar
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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