You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
