Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So vagazzling was a success
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize