Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
