i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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