I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
