My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
