i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Never joke about your clitoris.
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