Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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