so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
