Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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