I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
