You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
