apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
