I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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