Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
