im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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