Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
