the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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