did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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