I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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