I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
NoShamevember. You game?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
