also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
