dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
