worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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