Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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