I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
