Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
