Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
