I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
