Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
