She is in my trunk
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
