Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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