He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Are my feet made of real feet?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
