The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Girls should come with a carfax report
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize