he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How external is "for external use only"?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
