i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
