miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
