Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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