took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
