Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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