She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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