Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
