No awkward lesbian experiences without me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
