it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
