She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize